Spoken. (Diary of a Black women)

Disclaimer: This is not an attempt at understanding and defending the ways of African American women. Nor am I trying to find a relationship. I DO NOT want a relationship right now, or any time in the near future. So please do not misconstrue this. This is SPOKEN, where I speak just to speak. Whatever you get out of it, is your prerogative.
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Inspired by Wale feat.  Marsha Ambrosius "Dairy"
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If I told you I wanted to talk to you,
You think I'm try'na holla at you,
And maybe I am but,
You wouldn't hear me out anyway's would you? ,
Rather lose love than to move on never knowing what it feel like,
Short days, long nights,
By the phone, no call,
Need a clear mind 'cause I been blind,got me goin' down that road,
Heart made of stone,
Far away from home,
Black woman you cold,
Every problem you ever had with another man I gotta face,
Started off on thin ice,
I'm still here but I can't skate,
Slow sink, can't breath, no remorse, don't think,
Listen to your friend get another man for a minute then repeat,
Queen, you deserve the title but she rejects what I give, while she nurse the wounds by them,
Tried them, didn't work, got impossible standards, nothing I'm a do is gon' work,
Diary of a black girl.

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If he tried to holla I'd reject him because I deserve more than just a cat call. I deserve the world and I was told that by my mother. I deserve the decency for one to approach me like he was taught the same way. I'm not cold because I don't give in to shallowness and indecency. I'm secure enough with myself to know that a real man would recognize my beauty when he sees me. I can't speak for all black women but I do understand our struggle. I understand that black women are resilient Nubian sistas who have stood by their men during tumultuous times. Only to be cheated, cursed and unappreciated. Can you blame us for blaming these men? No man should suffer for another's mistakes but when things become repetitive, you leave us no choice but to compare you to the others. Wale says we have impossible standards, but the impossibility of those standards are a result of being played and hurt. Each time we experience adversity with a boyfriend, we add another quality to the list of our ideal guy. And sometimes when we see our black male counterparts courting a girl who is not a sista, we may scream inside. Because we feel as though we are being abandoned by our men. We are betrayed because these men have gone to women outside their race for a quick satisfaction.  Black women are strong and independent thus making us a challenge. Black men claim to like a challenge, but when they are tired of fighting for the possibility of making us thier wife, they move right along to the next best thing. To a hispanic or Asian, maybe even an Arab or middle eastern girl. Don't get me wrong, biracial couples are beautiful. But a strong black man with a strong black women is captivating. President Barack Obama married a sista despite his success and all his affiliations. Why can't other black men who come from the Ivy tower marry a sista' who has the same success as him?

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"I wonder why we sit and cry, I wish we could shed all these tears, I'm down and out. I just keep moving and trying to get out."
 I wonder why there aren't as many successful black men as there are women? I wonder why the small percentage of black men who are successful choose to marry women who are not of the same race as them. I keep wondering why divorce is so common in today's society. I also wonder why so many black women are left to take care of all the responsibilities, mainly the children. Black women are viewed as too much to handle and intimidating. Well I would understand that because Black women have a long history of having to be independent and of having no other choice but to be strong not only for themselves but also for their families. Black women have struggled, stumbled and succeeded. And they will continue to do so. But do they have to find a white man just as their counterparts are finding white women? Do they have to be single and visit the bank just to conceive a child. I mean we want a strong and successful black man to be the father of our children, but how common is that in today's society. We want reliable and hardworking partners who will match our success. So forgive us if our standards are "impossible" and set way to high. Because we were taught as children to never accept less than the best. We were raised to be nurturing and caring. And I know we were taught to stand on our own two feet. We accept genuine assistance but if we can't find it we have no problem doing it on our own. We rather miss out on the opportunity to love if we have to succumb to half ass love. Love isn't in the things that one can give you. Love isn't inconsistency and emotionless attachment. Love is not in the amount of time that people spend together. But black women have had a lot of crooks try to steal their hearts, never really had luck and they could never figure out how to to love. They had a lot of moments that didn't last forever,  just like Weezy said. But a lot of them have given up because chivalry is dead. Because all of their ex's said.....that they would last forever. But now they are in the corner trying to put it together.