After watching tonight's episode of Basketball Wives my sister suggested that I write a post about Evelyn and her father. Well not so much about the two of them, but more of their relationship or should I say thier lack there of. Vicky stated that she "hates when girls blame their absent fathers for their unsuccessful relationships". Well Vicky and I share the same hatred on the aforementioned topic which is why I agreed to write this post. Now, I am coming from a place where my father is currently present, and has been all my life. However, I feel as though I can speak from my position. Because he isn't the most affectionate person. I didn't always hear how beautiful I am from him. I relied on my mother and the mirror for that lol. And also, I have friends who did not have their fathers present just as I have friends who have always had their fathers present and their relationship scenarios have been similar.
Thus, I am here to argue against displacing the blame on an absent father.
So Evelyn stated that the reason why she has made some of the decisions regarding men in the past was due to the fact that she didn't have her father growing up. She didn't have a male figure to tell her she was beautiful and to warn her about certain guys. And bla bla bla. So she is basically saying that she has slept with a few NBA ballers, got pregant at a young age, is combative and ghetto, slept with someone after meeting him for the first time and is now engaged for like the third time due to the fact that she didn't have a father growing up. RIIIIIGHHHHHT (sarcasm). This reminded me of English class one day when one of my peers proposed doing a research paper on the possible reasons why young women engage in premarital sex. And for a minute in that moment, I thought about all the young women I know who are no longer virgins. Some of them grew up without a father and some of them had a father there all along.
And then there are the ones who had a father in thier home but he was still "absent". Absent doesn't necessarily mean not there, it may also mean that these fathers are just unattentive and way too busy. For example, an absent father can be one who is constantly working or one who showers his children with gifts just to make up for time that he cannot give his children. Absent fathers come in various forms and can belong to various racial groups, ethnicities, religious denominations and cultures. So at the end of the day can we blame premarital sex and early sex exploration on "absent fathers"? I think not! I mean there is a possibility that young women are attracted to people who are like thier fathers. Men who are no good at handling their responsibilities but good at sticking thier package into women. As vulgar as that may sounds, it can be true. Just as respectable women want men like thier caring and respectable fathers, some women may simply want bad boys. I am guilty of wanting my fair share of bad boys, but that was when I was naive and immature. I want a good guy who isn't submissive. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are bad. I just want someone who doesn't show too much interest in me. Challenges are fun for everyone!!
Are Absent fathers to blame for thier daughters making bad decisions about the guys they choose to pursue? Is the sky purple? Lol the former and latter are both negatives. I don't understand why some women want to put the blame on somebody other than themselves. Because even if there is an absent father in the equation, I am confident that there is a present mother.One who will guide you and nurture you into making mature and educated choices.If there is anyone who is great at talking about the risks of premarital sex, it is a women. It is a strong mother who can warn her daughter about pregnancies and STDs. I'm not discounting that it is difficult to raise one child or many children without the father around. I know how important it is to have a father because I have mine. But I highly doubt that the decisions that I've made to stay celebate and not hoe around would be any different if I did not have my father. But then again, maybe it's because my mother is no joke. She is very active and involved in my life and the decisions that I make. It is important to have at least a great mother in your life if you do not have a father. A great mother entails being aware of your daughter's decisions and making sure she is aware of all the possibilities there are in the world for her. All the possibilities that come around when she is respectful of herself and her body. When she is knowledgeable about how men act and how they can be very selfish.
All of this important to know when you are a young lady growing up in today's society. But displacing blame and anger on a father who was never there is not the answer. One must be willing to take full responsibility for one's actions. Alcoholism is a disease that can be inherited from a parent who has the same disease. But tricking, hoeing and premarital sex should not be blamed on a mother or father. Some traits can be avoided and I firmly believe that one can steer clear of "hoeish" ways if they desire to be respected. At the end of the day, if one sleeps with one to many people and engages in activity that will have her labeled, no one will place blame on her father. They will expect her to be grown and responsible enough to own up for her actions.
